Lost Little Feet
Little did I know I was making a huge mistake. But it was all about love. Well at least, that is what I use to cover the filthy thing I did in my life. I was 17 when it happened. He was 23 and he was head over heels for me. Every day after school I would lie to my parents that I am going to study at a friend's place but go out with Caleb. We would sit behind bushes at the playground and chit chat for hours. He would buy me snacks. Sometimes take me out for cake dates and coffee dates.
He did everything he could to win my heart. I truly believed that he was my soulmate. I was growing more daring and started packing nice clothes from home and bring it to school. After school hours I would change into the clothes I brought from home and go out with him. He showered me with lots of gifts and love. First, it was just holding hands and forehead kisses. Slowly, things started ascending. He started grabbing my waist and he would hug me from the back. All that felt like a dream come true to me.
I had no objections when he did all that. I even convinced myself that he owns me. At first, it felt wrong, as days went by, I felt nothing and lip kisses and random hugs became a norm. Abel did not feel bad at all despite the fact I am an underaged girl. Slowly, things started growing wilder. He would demand sexy pictures of me. He would beg me to send a slight glimpse of my cleavage or ask me to send pictures of me just in my undergarments. It was exciting and fun. We kept the western culture as a benchmark and went on justifying our mistakes. He would even spend so much money and get me sexy lingerie.
One day, I went out with him and he brought me to his house. He told me he wanted to take something to pass it over to his friend. His parents were out of town and he invited me in to "show me around the house". Then, he took me to his bedroom. First, he showed me his games and books. We chatted happily and suddenly he hugged me and started kissing my neck. I felt bad. I did not want to do it. He begged and convinced me and said making love is part of a relationship and it will make us two grow stronger. At first, I denied his wishes. Somehow after some beggings and convincing, I gave in to him and slept with him.
That single incident was an ultimate starting point. We started doing it more often. His love towards me was growing. One day, he told me that he was going out of station for a business trip and he would be back after a week. After a week he sent me a text message saying it will take longer than a week. I was missing him tremendously. I had no choice but to focus on my studies since my exams were around the corner and pretty much that is gonna determine my future.
I was so busy preparing for my exams, I did not notice that my period was delayed by two months. Four weeks passed, and Abel did not return any of my calls and messages. His sim card was no longer active. I missed him so badly and I was determined to go to his house to see him. It was a very sunny day and I walked to his house. Out of sudden, I felt dizzy and I fell to the road. I felt someone was carrying me. When I opened my eyes, I was in one aunty's house. She gave me water to drink and sent me home. The whole week I felt so exhausted. I constantly felt nauseated and dizzy. I thought I was missing him too much and it was taking a toll on my health.
Six weeks passed and he did not come back. I was vomiting constantly and I realized I was gaining weight. I knew I was pregnant. I did not know what to do. My parents did not notice the changes in me as they came home late and were busy with their jobs. I started putting on more and more weight to cover up the growing belly. I was missing Abel badly. He deactivated his Facebook account and cut all the ways I could reach him. Exams got over and I was at home patiently waiting for my results.
I still tried to convince myself that he will come back. The very first kick in my belly made me so happy. Felt like it was a wonderful miracle growing in me. Before I could feel the happiness, thoughts of how I'm going to raise this child and how I'm going to tell my parents brought chills in me. I was 7 and half months and I felt excruciating pain in my belly and my private part. It was killing me. I was about to scream and I knew the little one in my belly was trying to come out. Biology was wrong I thought for a moment. Seven months and a half and he wants to be out.
I did not dare to go to any hospital. I shut my room door. Grabbed a book and put it in between my teeth and gritted it so hard so I can control the pain. After about an hour of struggle, I managed to bring out the little one. He was crying and he looked so cute. I was alone and had no idea how to handle him. I took a towel and wrapped him in it. I googled and simply cut his umbilical cord. Wiped him using a wet cloth. He was smelling better. Before my parents come home I had to find a way to hide him. I cannot keep him in the room since my mother has a habit of checking on me before going to bed.
I kept him in the house until the usual timing my parents would return. And then, I took him out of the house to the backyard where there was a storeroom. I found a box and I put him in the box. Covered him with a net and lighted a mosquito coil and went back into my room and acted as if I was sleeping. My parents came home, checked on me and went into their bedroom. Around half past three, I could hear the baby crying. OH NO!! OH NO! NO!! NO!! Before the oldies hear the cries I have to do something. I ran into the storeroom and tried checking if anything bites him. Nothing was there. He was still crying. I tried feeding him but no milk came out of my nipples. I tried again and again and nothing helped him.
I went back into the house and brought out the condensed milk. I put some into his mouth and he seemed happy and enlightened. He sucked on my fingers covered with the condensed milk. It was working and I felt relieved. I was young and dumb, not smart enough to think it will cause him health issues. After a while, he managed to fall asleep and I left him there in the box and went back to my room.
The following day, I knew I was doing no good to the baby, I wanted to get rid of him. I knew Abel was never coming back. I put on some decent dress, booked a taxi and carried the baby to a housing area. I walked and walked till there was no one around. I put him in an abandoned house with some money and left without turning back.
My heart was crying out for him. I wanted my child back. He is mine. I went and looked for him again but he was nowhere to be seen. I cried for weeks and my parents sent me abroad to continue my studies. My result was not good. They assumed that caused my depression and decided to help me by sending me far away. I left the country and went to New Zealand and continued my tertiary education there. Slowly, I was recovering from my depression but I was still fat. The weight I gained during my pregnancy period was still there. I think about my son every single day. I had no idea what he was doing. I did not even know if he was alive.
Every single night I cried myself to sleep. It was entirely my fault. After my education, I got back home and started working. Life went on and I had no interest in a relationship. I wanted to look for my son. Just then, my dad brought back a groom and emotionally threatened me and made me agree to get married.
I reluctantly got married to him. Luckily, the man I was calling my husband now is an angel. He became my bestie. He loves me and he was the right one. He tolerated all my tantrums. He loved me. We would go to the gym together and make dinner together and we lived happily. I lose weight. I became beautiful and life was good. Years went by and we had no kids. Consultation with doctors one after another. Countless medicines and therapies, nothing worked. We gave up the idea of having a child. Deep down, I knew it was karma hitting me for what I did at my young age. I never once spoke about it to my husband. I loved him and I did not want him to hate me.
I stayed quiet and kept convincing him to adopt a child instead. He refused and he said we should both rather focus on our careers and travel around. I knew how much he longed for a baby. Anyhow, I am happy with my husband and living a decent life. As for the child, I threw away, God knows what has happened to him. I don't even know if he can afford to buy a single proper meal for himself. I know this will haunt me for the rest of my life and I am going to hell for sure. One day when I have the guts, I will tell my husband about it.
He did everything he could to win my heart. I truly believed that he was my soulmate. I was growing more daring and started packing nice clothes from home and bring it to school. After school hours I would change into the clothes I brought from home and go out with him. He showered me with lots of gifts and love. First, it was just holding hands and forehead kisses. Slowly, things started ascending. He started grabbing my waist and he would hug me from the back. All that felt like a dream come true to me.
I had no objections when he did all that. I even convinced myself that he owns me. At first, it felt wrong, as days went by, I felt nothing and lip kisses and random hugs became a norm. Abel did not feel bad at all despite the fact I am an underaged girl. Slowly, things started growing wilder. He would demand sexy pictures of me. He would beg me to send a slight glimpse of my cleavage or ask me to send pictures of me just in my undergarments. It was exciting and fun. We kept the western culture as a benchmark and went on justifying our mistakes. He would even spend so much money and get me sexy lingerie.
One day, I went out with him and he brought me to his house. He told me he wanted to take something to pass it over to his friend. His parents were out of town and he invited me in to "show me around the house". Then, he took me to his bedroom. First, he showed me his games and books. We chatted happily and suddenly he hugged me and started kissing my neck. I felt bad. I did not want to do it. He begged and convinced me and said making love is part of a relationship and it will make us two grow stronger. At first, I denied his wishes. Somehow after some beggings and convincing, I gave in to him and slept with him.
That single incident was an ultimate starting point. We started doing it more often. His love towards me was growing. One day, he told me that he was going out of station for a business trip and he would be back after a week. After a week he sent me a text message saying it will take longer than a week. I was missing him tremendously. I had no choice but to focus on my studies since my exams were around the corner and pretty much that is gonna determine my future.
I was so busy preparing for my exams, I did not notice that my period was delayed by two months. Four weeks passed, and Abel did not return any of my calls and messages. His sim card was no longer active. I missed him so badly and I was determined to go to his house to see him. It was a very sunny day and I walked to his house. Out of sudden, I felt dizzy and I fell to the road. I felt someone was carrying me. When I opened my eyes, I was in one aunty's house. She gave me water to drink and sent me home. The whole week I felt so exhausted. I constantly felt nauseated and dizzy. I thought I was missing him too much and it was taking a toll on my health.
Six weeks passed and he did not come back. I was vomiting constantly and I realized I was gaining weight. I knew I was pregnant. I did not know what to do. My parents did not notice the changes in me as they came home late and were busy with their jobs. I started putting on more and more weight to cover up the growing belly. I was missing Abel badly. He deactivated his Facebook account and cut all the ways I could reach him. Exams got over and I was at home patiently waiting for my results.
I still tried to convince myself that he will come back. The very first kick in my belly made me so happy. Felt like it was a wonderful miracle growing in me. Before I could feel the happiness, thoughts of how I'm going to raise this child and how I'm going to tell my parents brought chills in me. I was 7 and half months and I felt excruciating pain in my belly and my private part. It was killing me. I was about to scream and I knew the little one in my belly was trying to come out. Biology was wrong I thought for a moment. Seven months and a half and he wants to be out.
I did not dare to go to any hospital. I shut my room door. Grabbed a book and put it in between my teeth and gritted it so hard so I can control the pain. After about an hour of struggle, I managed to bring out the little one. He was crying and he looked so cute. I was alone and had no idea how to handle him. I took a towel and wrapped him in it. I googled and simply cut his umbilical cord. Wiped him using a wet cloth. He was smelling better. Before my parents come home I had to find a way to hide him. I cannot keep him in the room since my mother has a habit of checking on me before going to bed.
I kept him in the house until the usual timing my parents would return. And then, I took him out of the house to the backyard where there was a storeroom. I found a box and I put him in the box. Covered him with a net and lighted a mosquito coil and went back into my room and acted as if I was sleeping. My parents came home, checked on me and went into their bedroom. Around half past three, I could hear the baby crying. OH NO!! OH NO! NO!! NO!! Before the oldies hear the cries I have to do something. I ran into the storeroom and tried checking if anything bites him. Nothing was there. He was still crying. I tried feeding him but no milk came out of my nipples. I tried again and again and nothing helped him.
I went back into the house and brought out the condensed milk. I put some into his mouth and he seemed happy and enlightened. He sucked on my fingers covered with the condensed milk. It was working and I felt relieved. I was young and dumb, not smart enough to think it will cause him health issues. After a while, he managed to fall asleep and I left him there in the box and went back to my room.
The following day, I knew I was doing no good to the baby, I wanted to get rid of him. I knew Abel was never coming back. I put on some decent dress, booked a taxi and carried the baby to a housing area. I walked and walked till there was no one around. I put him in an abandoned house with some money and left without turning back.
My heart was crying out for him. I wanted my child back. He is mine. I went and looked for him again but he was nowhere to be seen. I cried for weeks and my parents sent me abroad to continue my studies. My result was not good. They assumed that caused my depression and decided to help me by sending me far away. I left the country and went to New Zealand and continued my tertiary education there. Slowly, I was recovering from my depression but I was still fat. The weight I gained during my pregnancy period was still there. I think about my son every single day. I had no idea what he was doing. I did not even know if he was alive.
Every single night I cried myself to sleep. It was entirely my fault. After my education, I got back home and started working. Life went on and I had no interest in a relationship. I wanted to look for my son. Just then, my dad brought back a groom and emotionally threatened me and made me agree to get married.
I reluctantly got married to him. Luckily, the man I was calling my husband now is an angel. He became my bestie. He loves me and he was the right one. He tolerated all my tantrums. He loved me. We would go to the gym together and make dinner together and we lived happily. I lose weight. I became beautiful and life was good. Years went by and we had no kids. Consultation with doctors one after another. Countless medicines and therapies, nothing worked. We gave up the idea of having a child. Deep down, I knew it was karma hitting me for what I did at my young age. I never once spoke about it to my husband. I loved him and I did not want him to hate me.
I stayed quiet and kept convincing him to adopt a child instead. He refused and he said we should both rather focus on our careers and travel around. I knew how much he longed for a baby. Anyhow, I am happy with my husband and living a decent life. As for the child, I threw away, God knows what has happened to him. I don't even know if he can afford to buy a single proper meal for himself. I know this will haunt me for the rest of my life and I am going to hell for sure. One day when I have the guts, I will tell my husband about it.
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